And Now You Are Three

I remember your tiny catlike cry and the beautiful black orbs that were your eyes. I remember kissing your tiny forehead as the NICU nurse whisked you away to your new home. I fell fast asleep and when I awoke I reached down to feel my belly only to realize that you were no longer there. I turned to my side and found a pink picture frame with a crown on it that said "Princess" and there in the frame was my very first picture of you. You were the tiniest baby I had ever seen, you looked so fragile and helpless that it broke my heart. I wanted more than anything to see you, to hold and comfort you, but most of all I just wanted to know that you were going to make it - that you were going to be okay.

The following weeks were some of the hardest of my life. I would awake in the night as all new mothers do, but for all the wrong reasons. I would wake up to check on you and as I walked into your nursery I would find nothing but an empty crib. I would sit in the rocking chair alone and think about you and what it would be like to have you home. A piece of me was missing without you there. I would call the night shift nurses and they would assure me that you were fast asleep and in good hands.

As the days went on, we grew strong together, but each night when I left the NICU to head home, I would look back twice with tears in my eyes wishing that we could be together, but knowing that you were where you needed to be.

Twenty-five days later you were finally home for the first time, and I was finally whole again. Each day I watched as you grew, learned new things, and became the daughter I always hoped I would have.

Today, you are a very active, opinionated, and funny toddler. When I watch the way you play and interact with others, it's hard to believe that just three years ago you were that tiny and helpless baby fighting for your life.

You love to sing and dance. You will be starting ballet lessons this weekend and I can't wait to see how it goes! You love to help in the garden, play in the sandbox, and make your baby brother laugh. Whenever I'm down you know just how to make me smile. You like to come out of your room every five minutes at nap and/or bed time and make up crazy excuses for why you can't sleep, and even though it makes me crazy sometimes, it still puts a smile on my face when I look back on it.

In just three years we've gone from incubators, to cribs, to toddler beds, to a "big girl bed". You've grown from a tiny 3lb miracle to a tall and strong 3 year old girl. And each day, I love you more than the day before.